Jerry Ruiz Ayala, oral interview with Tomás Summers Sandoval and Maria Alamilla Ochoa, Claremont, California, April 8, 2015. Digital Recording.
Jerry Ruiz Ayala is a veteran of the Vietnam War, serving from May 5th, 1968 to March 17th, 1971. He served in the aviation brigade and later served as a door-gunner. Mr. Ayala gives us some insight as to what it was like to serve during the Vietnam War as well as coping with the war, both during his service and after.
Mr. Ayala grew up in Ontario, California and his neighborhood was full of people of similar demographics. He struggled with certain aspects of school, and around the time that he finished high school, he was drafted to serve. He knew a couple of other people being drafted, and later saw some familiar faces during his basic training at Fort Ord, in advanced training in Georgia, and in Vietnam.
When he was drafted, he recalled that his parents were proud of him. He was, “in a way, kind of excited, looking forward to it. I was going to use it as a stepping stone.” He saw military service as a way to gain an economic advantage. He was convinced he would be better off if he served. In viewing military service as a way move up the economic ladder, Mr. Ayala is reflective of the experience of many in his generation, especially Latinos who felt life in the barrio offered few prospects for betterment.
He was inducted in Los Angeles and then began the long trip to Fort Ord, in northern California. Throughout his induction he told not to talk to anyone or look out any windows. He later discovered this was due to the protesters surrounding part of the induction center.
He later went on to do training in Georgia and wanted to go home to visit family before he left for Vietnam. He gave up an opportunity for medic training and went to infantry instead, just so he could visit his family. Once he visited his family, he went back to the East Coast, and then flew to Vietnam.
He shared stories of his routine duties while in Vietnam, but something that was prominent in his recollection is how he coped with the war while it was happening. Like most veterans, thoughts of those he served with and fought with brought up emotions. He considered these men to be his brothers, bonded together through the difficult experience of war.
That bond was real while he served. It even affected how he processed the war while in Vietnam. When asked about his thoughts on the war as well as his fears, he recalled,
“I don’t think none of us talked about it because we didn’t want to show that ‘I don’t have your back,’ because as long as I got your back, I know that you’re going to help me protect myself. If I’m alone, it’s a lot different. So I gotta watch out for you and help you so you can watch out for me and help me.”
Once Mr. Ayala finished his first tour of duty, he took a two and a half month break, but he didn’t feel ready to go home. His not wanting to go home stemmed from his thoughts of being trained as a killing machine, not yet ready to immerse himself in everyday life, which he explains in further detail below:
He then stationed in Texas for a while, but agreed to a second tour of duty in Vietnam. This time, he found himself working as a driver for a lieutenant. One day, he came to pick up the lieutenant but learned that he had been taken back to the states for a case of embezzlement. It was an experience that connected him to another side of the chaos of the war.
Mr. Ayala recalled something he said to his parents after returning home. “Hey, just pretend like nothing happened. Just pretend like I never even left home.” He recalled how his mother said he would hide under the bed when visitors came, even though has no memories of doing that. For Mr. Ayala, his integration back into society was something was a personal and emotional struggle, but one he clearly overcame.
“You know, I’ve been in situations where I’m sitting down and I can hear people say, ‘yeah, I got flashbacks.’ I took responsibility for myself. I don’t blame nobody. I came home, I did what I had to do. You know, I went back to work and I became a productive citizen. A member of my community.”
Now, later in life, Mr. Ayala has connected to Veterans Affairs to pursue some benefits. Even though he was reluctant, his daughter played a big part in helping him to make those first crucial steps.
As Mr. Ayala explains it, his reluctance to receive benefits was not due to pride. In many ways, his experience is shared by the majority of Chicano veterans who continue to underuse the benefits available to them.